For 8 years I wondered if I would ever break free from the nightmare inside of my head. Flashbacks.
Large Groups = Tension.
Fireworks triggered “duck and cover.”
I thought I would live this way forever. One night as I asked my husband to turn the news off, again, I resolved to change my future. I was sick and tired of not being able to discuss world issues, which is my background, and live in fear of commercials and conversations. NO MORE!
I’d like to say the next day I woke up a new person full of strength and confidence. Unfortunately, no. I was still plagued with uncertainty, stress, and debilitating anxiety.
My first step was to desire something different. I was tired of living in a box and sheltering myself from the outside world. It’s one thing to choose who to interact with and which friendships to nurture. For those with PTSD we live in a mental prison waiting for the next breakdown or nightmare, which can be very unpredictable. My husband coming home and sharing about a hard day at work would trigger nightmares and send my anxiety through the roof.
As I declared my wish for a different life, I have to admit, there was not a lot of hope inside. I’d been through therapy. Many times. I always outgrew my therapists and the last one was not encouraging about my ability to watch war movies or historical documentaries with my husband. So, I continued to want and wish but thought maybe I was asking for too much.
I had a family. 3 beautiful children. A loving husband. Parents & sister who care for me. That’s enough. They know my disability and accept me for who I am. Was more even possible?
Yes. It is. If you are craving more outside of your PTSD, current life situation, I want you to know it is VERY possible.
My first step in a 3 year process was a choice. I had to choose to believe in something greater than myself.
What is greater than your existence that spurs your interest? Fires you up on a bad day?
That was my first step…..putting my belief in something outside myself that WAS NOT a person who could be taken away from me. Some may say my family should have been enough; however, I know they can be taken at a moment’s notice and I would fall into deep depression all over again. In order to break out of my mental prison I had to apply the Batman theory; a cause or purpose greater than any one person.
It’s time I shared my healing story. No more hiding in the shadows of PTSD and Veteran reintegration. There is so much more to our lives and my mission is to help you unlock the future of possibility.
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